Worst Jokes Ever

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and his wheelchair?

At least his wheelchair can pull a woman.

Wipe your feet before entering, but in Stephen Hawking's case, it is "Wipe your wheels."

Why is he called Stephen Hawking?

Because he is always trying to hawk up phlegm to clear his throat.

Did you hear about the car that turned into a wheelchair?

At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.

I went home and I saw my friend kissing my sister. I said, "What’s going on?" They both told me that they’re going out with each other. I said, "Alright."

The next morning, I see my friend kissing my mom. I said, "What’s going here?" They both told me they’re going out with each other. Then my friend said to me, "I gave you 3 gifts. 1 gift, I’m your best friend. 2 gift, I’m your new brother-in-law. 3 gift, I’m your new stepfather." I felt so happy I had a friend that [is] looking out for me.

One day I was going home, and 7 married men came to me and said, "You should be proud of your sister." I asked why. They told me it was the best that they ever had, and we got your sister a trophy.

So I went home, my sister said, "Look at my trophy I earned." The trophy said "The Best Blow Jobs." As a bro, I couldn’t be more prouder.

Most people my age have had sex. Not my fault I'm not able to fit in.

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite line in Rambo?

"Don't push me."

How do rapists justify murdering a young innocent human being?

Same way as pro-aborts, by saying "My body, my choice!"

When the emo kid went to high five the tree, the tree left him hanging.

FUCK EMO KIDS!

Q: Why did baby shark cross the Pacific Ocean?

A: To find his dad.

This had me wheezing 😂🤣😂🤣

If Carlsberg did wheelchairs...

Stephen Hawking was a bit of a hardcase. He didn't let people push him around.

Stephen Hawking is to wheelchairs like Uncle Ben is to rice.

There were ten in the bed and the little one said... "Roll over..."

If Stephen Hawking was a boxer, he would roll with the punches.

For sale: Wheelchair, one careful owner, no longer needed.

I can't walk, I can't talk, but I can drive a wheelchair.

There was a kidnapping, but he woke up.