Worst Jokes Ever
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An orphan is at a barbecue and is getting food. A man asks him if he wants steak or phan I ment ham.
Did you hear about the blind prostitute?
Well, you got to hand it to her.
Why can't orphans play football?
Because they can't be on the home team.
How much curry can an Indian eat? Until his red dot explodes.
What does an orphan say after a kid makes a "yo mama" joke?
"I don’t have a mama."
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him.
“Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.”
“Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”
I was at school one day, and my teacher gave me homework. Once I got home, I did not do my homework, but I watched TV. After the movie, I finally went to go do my homework. I was almost done with my homework when I got to the last question. I didn't know the answer, so I asked the closest living being to me, which was my dog, and I asked him: what's two minus two? He said nothing.
Why did your dad FUCKING LEAVE YOU? He went to suck balls.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.
What was Osama bin Laden's favorite drink? Double Manhattan.
Jack fucked Jill's pussy till it stopped functioning.
You're more likely to be killed by a cow than by a shark.
Ricardo Medina, one of the former red Power Rangers, pleaded guilty to killing his roommate with a sword.
If Finding Nemo was scientifically correct, Marlin would have changed into a female and mated with Nemo.
Why can't an orphan have an iPad?
They can't find the home button.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.
... It was a bittersweet victory.
It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.
He was a great vet.
During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval.
I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic “personal protection liberty 2nd amendment” hooplah.
Very seriously, I told the crowd, “I’m pro-guns because I enjoy living in a world with only four Nirvana albums.”
My friend was the only one who laughed.
Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.