Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

The kids at Robb Elementary School went in to read books. Instead, they got dozens of magazines.

I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got excited and asked if I could drive a plane.

Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.

Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.

Judge: But why?

Accused: Because I’m an orphan.

They say people are 75% water.

But I’m 75% an orphan and 25% useless.

Why are school shootings branded “very American”?

1. They usually happen in the USA.

2. They’re like the Fourth of July: there’s a lot of loud banging and kids screaming.

Stranger: Tries to kidnap a kid.

Kid: Runs home.

A few minutes later, the kid was in the back of the van...

If you know, you know.

Daughter: Mommy?

Mom: Hey.

Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?

Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.

Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...