Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: Why?
Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.
Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.
Man: Why?
Kid: I'm an orphan.
Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!
(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")
A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.
"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit." "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife." "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
Pin drop silence in the class!
"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk...!!!!"
Why do orphans like Minecraft? So they can build a home...
But a creeper blows it up.
I would like to say Hitler gave two fucks about his people.
But quite Anne frankly, I'd be lying.
You smell dirty toenails and pigeon sex.
What does a pirate say to the president?? Spread your legs so I can get my treasure back.
My mom said, "Why did I adopt you?"
I said, "Because the other three were mistakes."
What kind of pizza can't an orphan order?
Familiar pizza.
POV: You call the group of emos the "Suicide Squad."
Wife: Stop telling rape jokes, it's not funny. Husband: Who raped you this morning?
I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.
Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."
What’s the worst song to play in front of a vegetable? “James Brown - Get on Up”
What’s the worst song to play in front of a handicapped kid? “Van Halen - Jump”
What's the worst song to play in front of a black man in Minneapolis? “I Can't Breathe - Juice Wrld”
Why can’t orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
A joke becomes a dad joke when it leaves for milk and never comes back.
I have an orphan joke, but it needs parental guidance.
Q. What is Terri Schiavo's favorite Eminem song?
A. "Till I Collapse."
When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time... and walk past.
