A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."
Worst Jokes Ever
When we told Twin Towers to put on airplane mode, we didn't mean a real airplane.
What do you call a house with no one living inside?
An orphan house.
Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"
Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"
Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*
Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"
Lady: "Let me do that."
Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"
dont make jokes about the accident my dad died in it he was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia :(
What do you call a not potty trained human?
Amber Heard.
What do you call a bear with no ear?
B.
I was playing basketball and a guy in a wheelchair asked if he could play.
I looked at him and told him that we are looking for ankle breakers, yours are already broken.
Yo mama is so short, Minions look down at her.
Yo mama is so fat that she volunteered for the Hunger Games 'cause she thought it was an eating competition.
Yo mama is so ugly when Santa Claus saw her, he yelled "Ho Ho Holy Sh*t!"
Yo mama is so old, when she walked into an antique store, they didn't let her leave.
Yo mama is so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it actually came back.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?
"Can I have a bodybag?"
In death, what is the only organ in a woman's body to remain warm?
My dick.
You are a fat pig.
Sorry.
Why are you sorry?
Sorry for putting deez nuts in your mouth.
What do Batman and orphans have in common?
Their parents died.
My bum hurts.
Why did the orphan like milk?
Because their parents went to get milk and never came back!
If an orphan was an animal, it would be an owl because they don't know "WHOOO" their parents are.
Why does the emo's mom like taking her son to the store?
Because the cashier can scan his wrist for discounts!
