One day, little Johnny was playing with his toys and looked out the window. He saw the neighbor's kid laying face-first in the grass, not breathing.
Little Johnny continued to shoot his nerf gun at the neighbor's big booty cheeks. No movement at all. After little Johnny went to get a snack, he looked out the window again and the kid was gone.
Little Johnny went to the neighbors and said, "I'm sorry to hear that your child has gone missing."
Big black ball sacks.
Women need to be in the kitchen.
Osama Bin Laden is the best Angry Birds player of all time.
Emos do take shots of themselves... not with a camera, though.
"DEEZ NUTS"
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home base.
As a fellow emo, I find these very rude and disrespectful. Please take off, or I'll tell Mom.
Also, if anyone knows any high bridges nearby, please tell me (I'm asking for a friend).
P.S. I have no friends.
One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"
What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"
A white dude walks up to a Muslim and says, "So you're an Indian?" and the Muslim says, "No brotha, I'm not 7-Eleven, I'm 9/11."
Did you hear the passengers on the Titanic invited Yo Momma and the Titanic crew said, "Man overboard!"
Eat cockroaches.
What day is Labor Day?
It's the day mommies have their babies.
What's at the bottom of the ocean and shivers?
A nervous wreck.
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
Poor guy really needs some space.
Everyone's had a mind-blowing day before, just ask JFK.
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.
For every dollar a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents.
That’s unfair! Now the man only has 30 cents!
Your hairline is lookin' so crusty like KFC chicken and be so discombobulated that it looks like satellite signals. It gives me flippin' sun radiation.
