Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

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Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.

My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.

So did my friend on the right.

I had a dream of skiing.

Punch an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?

They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.

Jesus saved me from eternal fate, but I didn't want to get saved. I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.

So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”

How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?

About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.

How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?

Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark.

The woman had a dick, lol, it's your mom ahahahahahaha, yeah YOU! Jhon man! In New York City I am on to you! I will be under your bed tonight lol get a bodyguard!

What's the difference between the Queen's death and Princess Diana's death? The Queen died in peace, not pieces.

Your hairline shape is so badly shaped like a M, me and my friends thought it was McDonald's.