Worst Jokes Ever
Would love to pound Sterling with a 14 lb hammer.
Two magicians were in a competition. The first one did magic, and the second started counting down, "3, 2," but before he said the last number, he 1.
You know the saying "One man's trash is another man's treasure?"
Wonderful saying! Horrible way to find out you're adopted! :DD
Penis, cheese, butt, cum.
What hit the ground first, a feather or the emo kid?
The feather, because the emo kid was left hanging.
My gf told me she was pregnant, so I punched her in the stomach.
She asked me why the hell I did that. I told her I wanted to let her know I’m pro abortion.
Bro, I love hanging out with white people, it's either we play Yahtzee, or we playin' Nazi.
How do you stop constipation?
You scare the crap outta them.
(Crap is another word for poop.)
Why do orphans commit crimes?
To be wanted.
What do you call an orphanage?
A parent-less shelter/homeless shelter.
We sped up the cycle of life and death, we gave Eric and Dylan a shortcut.
A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.
"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit." "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife." "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
Pin drop silence in the class!
"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk...!!!!"
POV: You call the group of emos the "Suicide Squad."
Wife: Stop telling rape jokes, it's not funny. Husband: Who raped you this morning?
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.
Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."
Why can’t orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
I have an orphan joke, but it needs parental guidance.
New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."
Students: "OOOF"
Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"
Students: "Your Parents."