What did one toilet say to the other?
You look pretty flushed.
Worst Jokes Ever
Why couldn't the pony sing a song?
He was a little horse.
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.
It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.
Battery 1%.
I take one last look at Earth as my suit runs out of power.
Why did an old man fall in a well?
Because he couldn't see that well.
Boy 1: "Sonic is a fictional character."
Boy 2: "Yeah, just like your dad."
How does a disabled man go to church? He can't, there's no ramp.
I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.
I'm shidding. Still babies are still coming and going.
I shidded out my baby, then became a fish.
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking during a house fire.
How many beans are there in Irish chili?
Answer: 239
Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine?
Answer: (spoken in Irish Brogues) Because if you add one more, it'd be "two farty."
Orphans are like vegans, no one ever remembers the nice ones.
A wise man once told me: "If you poke the bear in prison, the bear will happily return the favor when it's time to shower."
A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple's actually get picked.
You know what I like most about people with Parkinson's... Their handshake!
Why were the terrorists upset on 9/11? bcz 1 of the 4 missed its target.
The orphan turned 18, but he was happy because he didn't have to pay rent to his parents.
The orphan's best friend wanted to meet his family, so he took a selfie.
