Worst Jokes Ever
What's My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa?
His life insurance...
Like if you are gay.
Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesn’t order anything, and Person #2 orders a chili.
Person #1: “Aren’t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?”
Person #2: “No, you can have it.”
Person #1: “Ok, thanks...”
Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.
Person #2: “That’s about as far as I got too!”
Elementary school kids: School is fun.
Me: Yeah, yeah, just keep believing that.
If you don't like racist people, isn't that discrimination?
A young peasant coming from the field with his scythe on his shoulder notices an attractive young woman that was doing the laundry in a mountain stream, perched on some rocks near a waterfall.
The guy stops and leans against his scythe, fascinated by the young girl's beauty.
After minutes of watching her, she loses her balance, slips on a rock and falls all the way down, crushing her head on the white rocks.
Thoughtful, he puts his scythe back on his shoulder and walks away, saying to himself "Damn, another washing machine destroyed by limestone!"
I was lip to lip yesterday, and now I can't get the cum out of my mouth.
Why did the chicken nugget cross the road?
To get cooked by KFC.
A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.
When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"
God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."
You're so tall you can go see God, but you're so tall your balls got small.
I bet when 2 cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one says, "You're such a cheetah!" Then they laugh and go and eat a zebra or whatever.
What do emos and the Lorax have in common?
They both hang with trees.
9/11 pilots are the best readers.
They went through 30 stories in less than an hour.
What is an emo's most hated game? Hangman.
Because it's rubbing it in their face that they can't hang themselves.
Why do orphans can't play baseball? They don't know where home is.
Teacher: What is your least favorite holiday?
Orphan: National Forgive Your Mom And Dad Day.
Teacher: Why is that your least favorite?
Orphan: Because I don't have any parents to forgive.
Teacher: *tries to hold back* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Why do orphans not like July 24th??
Because it's Parents Day.
What is wrong with orphans' phones?
They'll never have a home screen.
Why should you put an orphanage by a cemetery?
So they can always see their parents.
How is toilet paper recycled?
Easier than you would think, but first they have to process the crap out of it.