What is faster hot or cold? Hot because you can catch a cold
I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad
I’m a faux pa.
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Are there any girls here?” The bartender says, “No, only women.” The man then leaves.
JFK and Abe Lincoln were some of the most open minded presidents ever
Them: whats on your arm? Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)
Friend 1: *turns off lights* Friend 2: *is there with us* Me: Woah! Where did friend 2 go?!
How did Mary get pregnant with baby Jesus? God fucked her
UU looks like boobies hehe
What did the twin towers say to each other
Sorry if that offended anyone
“I guess we are going down together”
I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes
The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage
My teacher walked up to the emo kid and told him, "I like ur striped red and tan gloves" and she asked "where did you get them?" The emo kid replied, "oh I made the red stripes myself"
What do gingers miss most at a grate party
The invitation
Did you hear that Joe contracted Sugondese Ligma on his trip to Suggon and now he won’t be able to make it to Saw Con
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine i should use to get the best looking women
He said the ATM outside
I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day 😮💨
What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party. A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party—except you.
Today in 3rd grade english the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take ur clothes off?" Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "you can't ask that." The english teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired." Finally Little Tim raises his hand, "the shower ma'am." The english teacher clapped her hands, "good job Tim and as for you Elsa you do not have the body for that."
How did the hamburger know he needed new pants?His buns were too tight.
