Worst Jokes Ever

My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":

Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.

Q. What's the difference between Trump and a piece of shit? A. Shit isn't orange.

I used to be emo, but I don't cut myself to solve my problems anymore.

I just drink a bunch of liquor like an adult.

A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.

You need to be a complete dick.

Why is the Z the only politically correct letter?

Because all the other letters are not Z's.

I recently learned that it's politically incorrect to talk about taking part in a school shooting.

Apparently the term "school photos" is more acceptable.

In light of Trump's slurring, staggering, and incoherence, I wondered if he should get checked for a brain tumor.

Then I realized how ridiculous that sounded.

A tumor can't grow in something that doesn't exist in the first place.

What is the difference between Batman and a black man?

Batman can go out at night without Robin.

My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.

I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.

Prostitution. The only job that pays more if you suck.

Зуе ? Д \| |=- (L j3 Ø И [- 4

Some people think jokes about child abuse are funny.

I'm not sure if I think that, but they do seem to hit different.

Pierre Poilievre has lost the government position he had for 20 years.

Bet he wishes his mom HAD used that coat hanger.

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific, so I said,

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."

You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"

Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?

So we can think about a solution in silence.

I should probably stop making abortion jokes.

After all, the aborted babies aren't laughing.

Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?

A: "It's me, Luigi!"

I've come to the conclusion that Trump is the fifth Teletubby.

He's fat, orange, and speaks in gibberish all the time.

NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?

'Cause it's a place to eat.