Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it, and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
9 Jokes
I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.
Whenever you think back to 9/11 and realize there are 12 hours in front of us, why the f*ck didn't they warn us?
What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You stop milking a cow after 15 years.
Why do people always talk about 9/11, but seriously, just let it sit there, like the rubble it is.
My dad died in 9/11. He was the best pilot.
What's the best thing about 9/11 jokes...
They make you collapse with laughter because the Twin Towers collapsed.
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
Me: 911. You: You died 9/11.
If 6 is scared of 7 because 7 8 9, why is ten scared? Because it is in the middle of 9/11.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't make a 9/11 joke?
What is the Mexican police number?
9 Juan Juan.
How do you know that Americans hate exercise?
9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?
Three guys landed on a cannibal island. The cannibal chef told them if they wanted to live, they had to go get 10 of one fruit and bring it to him, and he would tell them what to do.
So the first guy brings 10 apples, and the chef said if he could shove all 10 of those in his ass without making a sound, he could live. He was three apples in and made a sound, and they ate him. The second guy brought grapes; nine grapes in, and he burst out laughing. The cannibals ate him. Then the first guy said, "Why'd you laugh? You were almost there!" The other guy who had the grapes said, "I couldn't help it, I was told the third guy came back with 10 pineapples."
Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.
Am I funny now? Because this is what you brainlets find funny.
9/11.
A man found out that he was going to die.
A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"
Then he died and learned how to say no in German....
I told a 9/11 joke to my friends today.
It didn't land well.
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers in the world?
Because they went through 90 stories in just 10 seconds!
Why was 10 so scared? Because he was in the middle of 9/11.
