3 jokes

Man

    • A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"

    The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".

    The man asks, "Ten what?"

    Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".

  • 2

    • Pizza

    • On 9/11, the Twin Towers ordered 3 pepperoni pizzas. One came in plain, the other came in late, the third went to the wrong address.

  • 13

    • Wish

    • Genie: You can only have 3 wishes.

    Man: I wish for more wishes.

    Genie: You can’t wish for more wishes.

    Man: I wish I could.

    Genie: ......

  • 0

    • Guy

    • Guy 1: P-gay or T-gay?

    Guy 2: P-gay sounds cooler.

    Guy 1: Yeah me too. I don't like P-ewDiePie, always love T-series.

    Guy 2: Omg what did i just say? I wasn't even knowing what were you talking about :<

    Guy 1: Like I do care :$

    Guy 3: But I do care :<

    Guy 1: F*ck you.

    Guy 3: Do it.

    Guy 2: But you do care about me.

    Guy 3: No.

    Guy 2: F*ck you.

    Guy 3: Do it.

    :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

  • 0

    • Sausage

    • Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?

    Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.

    Guy 1: Don't you?

    Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.

    Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#

    **Meow...**

    Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3

  • 0

    • Parachute

    • Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were on a falling airplane. There were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world,” so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually there are two, you see, Donald Trump took my backpack.”

  • 7

    • Shark

    • [God creating sharks]

    God: Ok give them 3 rows of teeth.

    Angel: Seems excessive but ok.

    God: And make them mean as hell.

    Angel: WTF y.

    God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO.

    Angel:...

    God: And make one of the types have a hammer for a head.

    Angel: Why do I still work for you?

    God: Because I’m the only employer as of right now.

  • 0

    • Cowboy

    • One day there were these 3 cowboys sitting next to a fire and they were telling each other about their adventures. Well, the first cowboy said, "I tangled with a bull that killed 6 people, so I wrestled that son of a bitch to the ground with my bare hands."

    The second cowboy said, "That's nothing. Yesterday I was walking on a trail and came across a rattler, so I picked it up, bit its head off, and drank all his venom in one gulp."

    The third cowboy remained quiet, stirring the embers of the fire with his penis.

  • 0

    • Dog

    • Top ten dog breeds:

    10. Dogs

    9. Are

    8. Beautiful

    7. Animals

    6. And

    5. Judgement

    3. Is

    2. Cruel

    1. Dachshund

    Dog

    • Three boy chihuahua were hot about this girl chihuahua. She tells them, "I will date whichever one of you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence."

    First dog says, "I love cheese, but liver is bland."

    She replies, "Really original."

    Next dog, "I love liver, but cheese makes me constipated."

    She replies, "Ew, gross."

    Third dog steps up, "Man, liver alone cheese mine."

    Winner dog 3.

  • 0