I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.
10 Jokes
A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”
Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”
Two pedophiles meet each other. Then one asks if he wanted to trade "2 of 5" for "1 of 10?"
What has 6 legs, 10 arms, and 3 heads?
The Boston marathon finish line.
There will be no school shooter joke today in honor of the 10 people killed in the Colorado grocery store shooting. R.I.P.
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.
I wanted to tell a commie a joke about food, but he’d have to wait 10 years to get it.
What do McDonald's and priests have in common?
They both shove their meat into 10-year-old buns.
What takes up 10 parking spaces? Five female drivers.
So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"
Your mother is so fast, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.
What do a Make-A-Wish kid and mosquitoes have in common?
They both got a 10% survival rate...
Bin Laden was the hide and seek champion for 10 years, 2001-2011.
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."
The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"
The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
Why was the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it wanted to look up a 10 year old girl’s skirt.
How many skinheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
10; 1 to do it and 9 to back him up.
If Carlos and Jose took a brownie from me and I had 10 to start, what do I have?
Answer: A math problem.
OK, there are at least 3 pedophiles in your neighborhood.
But there are no pedophiles in my neighborhood; there are only three 10-year-old girls with juicy asses.
What’s the best part of violently raping a sexy 10-year-old girl? Killing the little bitch afterwards.
Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.
Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.
Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.
