Yours jokes
Your hairline is so far back, scientists consider it a ninth planet.
What kind of paper gets stuck to your foot?
DUH! A sticker.
In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.
They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"
The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."
What's the difference between a zit and a Catholic priest?
A zit will wait 'til 12 before it cums on your face.
Dad/Mom: Son, you're adopted.
Son: I know. *holds up daddy's phone that has the text of them talking about it.*
Dad: Babe, we need to talk.
Mom: Okay......
Dad: He's grounded.
Mom: You're right, you're grounded! Oh, and I'm dumping you.
Son: Am I getting a new daddy?
Mom: Soon honey, soon....
Dad: I really shouldn't have let her know I cheating.
My uncle sayEd to me once, "You're my favorite child." And I said, "You mean Nece?" He said, "No, my favorite child."
My grandad and your hairline go way back.
If you think of a president as your king, then the USA got checkmated on November 22nd, 1963.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it a la mode.
What do you do when you're bored?
Beat up an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?
When a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum.
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.
You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.
Can I pin your corpse to a tree?
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?" Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."
Mother: How is my little cookie doing?
Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.
Mother: Really?
Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.
Mother: 😁♥️🍪
So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!
Where was your mom last night? In the man club?
When you're sitting by the mushrooms and you hear one say to the other "Hey, you're a fun guy."
Bully: How’s your girlfriend?
Kid: I don’t have one. How are your parents?
Bully: *cries*
Kid: *Walks out of the orphanage*