Yours jokes

"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."

- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*

My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?

Me: No.

Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.

What did one ghost say to another ghost?

"You're boo-tiful!"

You have two parts of [your] brain, "left" and "right". In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.

Your momma! OHHHHH!

I was about to joke about your life, but I think your life is already a joke.

Do you know what the equivalent to hell is these days?

1. Listening to your teacher.

2. Not having your phone/game/TV.

3. Not having nicotine.

Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"

Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"

Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*

Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"

Lady: "Let me do that."

Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"

Your mama is so skinny she can dodge raindrops.

So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."

If you are a student at law school, a law professor can charge you up to $98,998.00 for one semester.

If the law professor is very late and is not punctual to teach you anything about law in his class, should a law student be able to charge the law professor a certain amount of money for not being able to teach his class because he is off task and not being punctual? Is your time precious too?

If the law professor is Polish, now you know the reason why you should never go to a law school that has a "dumb polack" for a law professor.

Sorry for your luck; it sucks to be you!

You're so fat, when you went on the weighing scale, it said "to be continued."

Time really freezes when you're stuck on a sinking ship.

Your family is so cheap that they won't even pay for the child support to keep you.

Hey, I met you like way way back, just like your hairline.

What’s the difference between a mountain and your girl?

At least the mountain has two hills.

Ooh, I wonder what's on this browser. *clicks* "How to tell your kid they're adopted."

Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?

Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.

Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? The front desk always asks, “Where are your parents?”

Did you adopt your dog?