Yours jokes
Hola! This is when I pranked my mom! I took a fake lobster and put it in the toilet. The fake lobster was in your attic, used for lobster parties, but anyway, I put the fake lobster in the toilet, so when my mom comes in she will find it and overreact to it. Well, she did not overreact, she FREAKED OUT OVER IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First she screamed and then she looked at it and she saw it was fake. laterrrrrrr that's the prankster!
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time it was sung... the line “fire away” caused massive confusion and shooting!
At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"
At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a needle.
Doctor: I see your point!
A child asks his father, "How do you get pink eye?"
Son, I was told it’s from scratching your butt, then rubbing your eyes.
Then the son asks, "How did I get Fungi?" As the father was about to answer, the boy says, "Ohh, so is it from scratching my stinky feet, then rubbing my eye?" ———-Fungeye
If I had a spray can, I would spray it on your ass. Because the instructions say to spray on flat surfaces.
What's an orphan's least favorite day? Take your kid to work day.
What does your mum and Istanbul have in common?
They are all insane comebacks!!!
I’d roast you, but your mirror does that for me every day.
Your forehead is so big it blocked my phone service!
You were born out of your dad.
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
You're so ugly your mom and dad abandoned you, and you went to the adoption center, and not even the adoption center would take you or let you in.
A husband and a wife have four children. The oldest three are tall with blonde hair. The youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said, "Honey, can you be completely honest with me? Is our youngest son mine?" The wife says, "I swear to all that is holy, he is your son." Then the husband died and the wife muttered, "Thank god he didn't ask about the other three."
Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.
What's the same with a toilet and anal sex? Your ass gets numb after a while.
Your hairline is more bent than your gender.
Two pedophiles are on a beach.
One says to the other, "Move over, you're in my sun!"
Your forehead is so big, I bet your dreams are in IMAX.
What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."