Yours jokes
Spy: Hahaha.
Me: What?
Spy: Time to pick up your mother.
Me: Oh no....
What do you call your son?
An mistake.
What is red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
What's the worst part about getting old?
Going to pull up the wrinkles in your socks, just to find out you're not wearing socks!
Hi, I hope you’re
Memes
Joke turned serious
What is your address?
A sibling went up to their other sibling and said, "Dad said you're adopted."
The other sibling said, "You are, too."
Then the first sibling goes, "No, I'm not."
And the sibling says, "We're twins."
The other kid goes, "And you're adopted... oh."
Kid: Hey, Dad.
Dad: You're an hour late.
Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.
Dad: By yourself?
Kid: No.
Dad: A boy?
Kid: I was with the teacher.
Pigeons can be annoying at times, especially when their bones get stuck in-between your teeth.
How do you know Thor has your back?
He's an Asgardian (ass guardian).
"Dick, you're fired."
"I'd buy that for a dollar."
Is your middle name Fancy Feast?
'Cause your face looks like a can of dog food.
You're so fat you're the reason they made tread "meals".
You're so ugly we can't have neighbors.
Are you lightning?
Because you're McQueen.
Question: What's the smallest thing on earth?
Answer: Your brain.
What's your favorite type of flour?
Don't know.
Mines self-raising.
What did the fish say to the other fish when it got hooked?
"That's what you get for not keeping your mouth shut."
They say that bad things happen to good people.
So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.
Your d*** size...
If you're cleaning a vacuum cleaner, does that make you the vacuum cleaner?