Yours jokes
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
Your hairline looks like the McDonald's logo!
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
Your mama is so fat that when she wears yellow, kids run after her thinking they missed the school bus.
Your mama is so stupid, she bought tickets for Xbox Live.
Your mama is so stupid, she went to the dentist to get a Bluetooth.
Your mama is so stupid that when she heard drinks were on the house, she grabbed a ladder.
What do you do when your dishwasher breaks down?
You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.
Stormtrooper: What happened with your garden?
Palpatine: Grew it.
When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:
"Enjoy the little things."
Let's not make any more Indian jokes. All your jokes are trash. Please stop.
What did Bob the police officer say to his chest?
"You're under a vest."
What's the difference between your mom and your dad? One leaves your life to go get milk, and the other cleans up after you, feeds you, and does your laundry.
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
Dr. Brody: Sir, your son has a disease called boofa.
Dad: What's boofa?
Dr. Brody: Both of these nuts in your mouth.
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.
-JFK
Q: What do you call a tsunami?
A: Your mom's water breaking.
What's the difference between a blonde and your computer?
You don't want your computer to go down on you.
What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts.
What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts.
What do you call nuts on your chin? A blowjob.
Sixty years ago, Stephen Hawking's teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams, kids. Reach for the stars.