Yours jokes
I was walking home when I saw children crossing the street on their own. I went towards him and tapped his shoulder and said, "Hey, little kid, you are not supposed to be walking on your own." The kid turns out to be a dwarf.
You're so ugly you scared the crap out of the toilet!
Hi, I did not get your walk.
Hey, you have something on your chin, no the 3rd one down.
So I told my sister, "Want [to] hear some jokes?" and she was like, "Hit me with [your] best shot, fire away," and I was like, "Okay, I know [you're] singing an old song, yeah I was trying to see if [you] sing too," and I said, "Who do [you] think I am, Chris Brown?"
What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert?
One will snatch your watch, the other will watch your snatch.
What did the lesbian vampire say to the heterosexual woman after the lesbian vampire was done licking the pussy of the heterosexual woman?
"When is your next blood period?"
Are you lightning?
Because you're McQueen.
The teacher is asking you a question.
Teacher: "If your biggest dream came true, what would you be?"
Me: "Dead."
If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents.
Your momma is so fat, she doesn't need Wi-Fi, she is already worldwide!
The best part of you ran down your mother's leg... Einstein got ready to climax while doing math but realized you can't cumtilyain cumtilion. It's after sucktillion fucktillion.
Hi, I did not get your text. I texted you when I texted you. You are not [responding].
911, what's your emergency?
Me: My grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she's dead.
Well, it's not a living room anymore.
Me: Hangs up.
Your forehead's so big, it's built like Megamind's robot, period.
Don't say your life is a joke because jokes have meaning.
When you're going to Titanic: It's the best ship in the world.
When you know it's sinking: It's the poor ship!
You better get used to having dry cereal cuz your dad ain't never bringing the milk back.
Just to an orphan.
Orphan: You're stupid.
You: You're so ugly, it's the reason your parents are dead.
A: What's the similarity between your girlfriend and the sun?
B: They're both hot?
A: They're both massive.