Yours jokes
When your mum tells you to help your granny.
And you unplug life support!
When your mum tells you to help your granny And you in plug life support.
Say "beans" fast three times.
Now you’re an idiot.
I went to the doctor's yesterday. I said, "When I touch my back, it hurts. When I touch my knee, it hurts. When I touch anything, it hurts!" 😣 What’s wrong with me?
Doctor: You’ve broken your finger.
I'm hard right now.
'Cause you're a DICKstraction. ;)
What is it called when you hit your funny bone at night?
Dark humor.
At an school 🏫 what is your school's name?
The bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself.
So I treat everyone like garbage.
Why are bald eagles bald? Because you're bald!
"I hear you asking, 'What's your favorite instrument?' The Trombone."
Hey, What do you want? We broke up like 5 days ago, leave me alone. Ok, first wanna do some things? What kind of things? Illegal things. Like what? Knock you off and hide your body. 🤡🤡🗡
Knock knock.
Who is there?
Mother.
Mother who?
Fuck off bichon, I'm your mother!
Last night I burned down an orphanage.
There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
"Paper is 2D!" said Pen.
"No, it's 3D!" said Pencil.
After Pencil proved it to Pen, Pen said, "Oh, I suppose you're write."
Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.
Aaron: Why?
Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbor's house.
Police: Where is your neighbor's house?
Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me.
Police: Tell me.
Me: Next to my house.
Police: *Arrests me*
What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.
Sign outside a hair salon: "We'll color your hair or dye trying."
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
I may not be that good with puns on this site, but I got a skele-ton of jokes. Hey, what's the matter pal, is there something crawling under your skin?