Yours jokes
What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?
Your mom finishes.
Stephen Hawking is better than NASA. They study black holes that are 8 billion years old, while he was down here on Earth staring at 14-year-old black holes. 😈😈😈
If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.
If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.
This joke's about flowers, the blue one's a violet.
Your mom's the Twin Towers and I am the pilot!
You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!
A priest, Kelly Clarkson, and Ian Watkins all walk into a bar... only for the bartender to exclaim, "We don't serve your kind around here!" Then he muttered in a low voice, "Fucking paedos."
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
A piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh, Bunsen, my flame," the sodium swooned. "I melt whenever I see you!"
The Bunsen burner replied, "Calm down. It's just a phase you're going through."
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.
So, there's a black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican. They find a genie's lamp, they rub it, and poof! Appears the genie!
The genie goes to the black guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" The black guy goes, "I wish for me and all my people to be back in Africa, happy and everything." So poof! His wish is granted.
Then, the genie goes to the Mexican and asks, "What's your one wish?" The Mexican goes, "I wish for me and all my people to be in Mexico, happy and everything." So poof! His wish is granted.
Now, the genie goes over to the white guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" and the white guy asks, "You mean to tell me that all the black and Mexican people are out of America?" The genie replies, "Yes."
The white guy goes, "Then I'll have a Coke."
Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.
"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"
Your hairline is so long The Rock complimented it!
You're so bald that your hairline is receding faster than my bank account after a trip to Las Vegas.
You're so bald that Disney uses your head for movie scripts.
Your hairline is so long, people call it "The Natural Disaster!"
Your hairline is so ugly, it’s receding from your face to never see you.
Your hairline is so big, I couldn't find the area of it on Jupiter.
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.