Your mom jokes

Just before lockdown began, a woman took her 15-year-old son, Tom, and 14, 16, and 18-year-old daughters Sally, Mary, and Annie and went to the family cabin in the mountains to wait it out, while her husband stayed in town as an essential worker.

The weekly family Zoom call went well enough...until the 8th week when the father noticed the 14-year-old was looking a little...plump. By the 20th week, the 16-year-old's shirt was starting to pull taut over her tummy, by the 25th the curve of the 18-year-old's belly was rising over the edge of the table her laptop was perched on, and by the 30th week his wife and all 3 girls were very obviously 6 months pregnant, and the poor 14-year-old was so huge she was obviously having triplets.

So the father waited until he'd talked to his wife and daughters, and then asked if he could talk to his son alone.

"Look, I know your mom and the girls are all pregnant. I'm not mad, I just want to know how it happened. We don't have any neighbors up at the cabin, did you break quarantine and invite some hikers in, or go into town for supplies?"

"No, Pop, we haven't seen anyone since we left the city," his son told him earnestly. "And we sure haven't gone into town for supplies, I ran out of condoms on the second day here!"

You're so ugly your mom said, "I want an abortion."

"There is no way you can fit in there."

"Says who?"

"Your mom."

"When?"

"Last night."

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?

The washer doesn't take loads for free.

Is your mom a virgin?

Mine is.

How am I alive?

You tell me.

What am I doing?

Your mom.

Bully: Your mom gay.

Me: There's something on your chin.

Bully: Where?

Me: No, on your fourth one.

Your mom is so ugly Biden likes her.

Your mom shat you out after having Taco Bell. That’s why she calls you a little shat.

When you tell an orphan, "I did your mom in your home," and they start crying.

Me: You f&*k up.

The class: Oh sh!&

Your mom is so fat, they asked if she was a sumo wrestler.

Mommy, when will daddy come back?

I'm not your mom...

The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."

You're adopted, that's why your mom or dad never came back with the milk!

Sike, I lied, your mom is a guy!

Your mom is the biggest tosser on the planet, yeah, you heard right.

I don't have to strain myself a blood vessel and be wankin' solo anymore; she saved me a whole load of arthritis.

Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.

Your mom is a transgender, your dad took a wrong turn just like his gender, your brother is just gay.

What do you call a duck with no head?

Your mom gay.

Roses are red. Sunflowers are yellow.

Your mom is so fat she looks like a marshmallow.