You Jokes

Dishwasher

What do you do when your dishwasher breaks down?

You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.

Old Man

An old man walks in a forest with a child, and the child says, "It's dark, and I'm scared." The old man says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk out alone."

Wheelchair

You're so lucky bullies don't have a chance to push you around anymore?

They'll get theirs when they're in a wheelchair?

Memes

Somebody

Me when I’m texting somebody and their spelling is so bad I can’t understand what they’re saying

Three cartoon characters with rectangular yellow heads, wearing black suits, and red sunglasses are shown against a dark background. The middle character has text above his head that says, "I know you need grammar classes."

Language

Why do you joke about Helen Keller?

She was a good person, and she learned sign language and learned to talk. So why DO YOU MAKE FUN OF HER!

Hairline

Your hairline is so fat that when you meet Santa, you're fatter than him and your mom.

Mom

Bro, if you think about it, your mom and God have one thing in common... They're both big.

Priest

If you look at this joke, you are going to meet a Catholic priest tomorrow.

Doctor

I bet when you were born, the doctor looked away because of your virginity.

Beaner

(True story)

One day Sally's mom said, "I can just eat you up!" And Sally says, "No, you can't!" Then the mom asks why and Sally says, "Because I'm a beaner, and we don't taste good."

People

Fat people: Do I look beautiful when I eat a pack of chicken?

Me: Yes, you look like a bunch of boulders crashing into each other.

Fat: Dang...

Me: Shut up, Jon Brower Minnoch.

Rape

What do you say if you are raped once but feel raped twice?

"I was raped raped."