You jokes

Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?

Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.

What do you get when you throw a pebble in the ocean?

A wet pebble.

- What do you call a bee who flew to United States? - "USB"

Have you tried eating a clock?

It's time-consuming!

What do you call mo on a dating website? Tissue face.

That one person who can never bring a smile to your face...

Until you push them down 3 flights of stairs.

What do you call a dick that's too small to see?

Tick-tack dick.

What’s the difference between a 5.7l v8 and a dead baby?

If you lift the hood on my car, you won’t find a 5.7l v8.

Evan, me and your mom are done with you.

I told you ten puns to make you laugh, and I do not pun in-ten-did.

Have you ever eaten a clock before? I heard it’s very time consuming.

Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?

Dad: Because you were made there.

Mum: We haven't been to Canada.

Dad: Hol' up a minute.

I'll slit your throat and kick you in the gut till you die one time.

When someone pops up in your life making you all happy, you be like, "Who sent you?"

Here's a joke... you.

What games do you play if you are bored?

Board games.

Let me Lickitung until you Squirtle.

I would tell you a chemistry pun, but I won't get a reaction.

What do you call a person without a nose and who doesn't know much?

Nose-less.

Mr. and Mrs. Potato were walking down the street when a french fry caught the attention of Mr. Potato.

Mrs. Potato said: "I see you eye-balling that French girl!"