You jokes

Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.

The sir: My children will be devastated.

Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.

The sir: Whatever it takes.

*Suppressed gunshots*

Tooth 1: Hey, do you like my jokes?

Tooth 2: Yeah, but they're cracking me up.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

I did ap.

I did ap who? (I did a poo)

EEWW you did a poo???

The 10 cents said to the 1 cent, "Haha, I make more cents than you!"

As ruler of a kingdom, I wanted a knight. Duke Leo Pessi IV offered himself but wanted a wife in return. I offered my beautiful daughter to him. However, he slapped her and proceeded to wreck my castle. All this whilst crying “I don’t want princess, I want farmer!”

DAMN YOU PESSI!

My willy was feeling itchy, so I decided to go to the doctor.

My doctor was foreign and spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. As I returned home, I noticed my willy was gone! Pessi stole my PENis thinking it was a Penalty just so he could statpad. SHAME ON YOU!

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Ground beef.

"Boiled ham" is what you call a dead Russian.

When you die, scientists will preserve your skull.

So, I went up to an emo and I said, "Why did you steal my bar code from my chips?"

My money don't jiggle jiggle, it folds.

I want to see you wiggle wiggle, for sure.

If you make jokes about SH, you're not funny, and if you do, I'm gonna assume you're some 12-year-old who wants to be an edge lord. I don't really care if people get pressed.

What don't Rick Astley and the Twin Towers have in common?

One won't let you down, while the other will.

HAHAHAH! You all got April fooled in the wrong month!

When you are bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Call their parents?

You should bully orphans. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Can you imagine The Count from Sesame Street having sex? "1 orgasm..., 2 orgasm..., 3 orgasm..., ah ah ah!"

Thanks for the birthday wishes. It's been an odd one this year, as some of you know, my father suddenly passed away on my birthday last year, and anyone who knew the old man knew he had a sledgehammer wit!

Good on ya dad, ya definitely got the last laugh!

What do you call grass that grows in space?

Astro-turf.

You know the Twin Towers employees were supposed to meet a good football team. Instead, they just met the Jets.