You jokes
What do you call a blowjob in Africa?
Breakfast.
There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"
Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."
The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."
The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"
Why download Fruit Ninja when you have your arm?
What do you call a black goldfish? A gigger.
What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?
One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES nature?
MC Green
What do you call a rapper who's also a magician?
A LYRICAL WIZARD
What do you call a rapper who took a dump?
Lil' Crappie.
What do you call a rapper with a PhD?
A rap scholar.
What do you call a rapper who's always COLD?
MC Freezer.
How do you know if a rapper is hungry?
They start dropping BEATS at the dinner table.
For the encore, we'd love to tell you a construction joke but... we're still working on it.
Did you hear about the deaf guy's STI?
He got hearing aids.
What do you get when you cross cow DNA with human DNA?
Kicked out of the petting zoo.
What do you call a rapper who's afraid of GHOSTS?
MC Shiver.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen! Ugh!”
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and angrily sits down. She says to a man next to her “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Is Google male or female? Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
What do you call a rapper who's always late?
Time Rhyme.