You jokes

When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"

What do you call a group of depressed kids?

The suicide squad.

Did you know Hellen Keller had a doll house in her backyard? Neither did she.

What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?

"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"

Get it?

What did the window say to the door?

"What are you squeaking about? I'm the one with the panes!"

Get it?

What do you call a group of black people?

A hoodie.

Lil’ Johnny be dead, you fools!

So, I text my girlfriend and told her I wanted to get inside her. Can you believe she replied: "Not again brother, I'm only 8."

What would you name a detective if he didn't already have a name?

Cassie.

Get it?

How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?

Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.

Hey you, the person who's scrolling, I know you might have depression and some feel they can't talk to anyone about it, so in the comments please, if you need to talk to others, if you comment about it and say you need to talk to someone, I promise you that I will talk to you. You are not alone, and even though it seems it won't change and get better, it will, I promise.

Please no harsh comments toward each other.

You: Find a time clock that can change time.

Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?

You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!

Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.

What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?

I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!

Q: I'm a famous athlete and I've got a lot of fans.

A: Is that why I never see you sweat?

What do you call me?

Chinese?

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Orange.

Orange who?

Orange you glad I didn't say banana again?

What would you name a mummified squirrel?

Perhaps... Mumford?

You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.

Son: Mom, can I get $100 for a week?

Mom: Why do you need $100 for a week?

Son: I'm going on a date, and I need $100 for a week, please.

Mom: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go on your date now. You got $1, so go.

Son: And you got $0.00.