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What do you do when you get locked outside your house? You talk to the lock, because communication is key.

Doctor: You need new glasses.

Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.

Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.

Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?

Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.

Son: I hate you!

People say, "I like your cut G." Which is when you get a fresh cut. But I guess when you go bald, we can say, "Like your forehead, G."

I know it's really, really, really, really bad.

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    • Hey Gwen, next time you're online can you go to "son jokes".

    I commented back to you and portory.

    Son: Dad, Dad, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!!

    Dad: What's wrong? Are you OK?!

    Son: Mia asked me out on a date on February 30th!

    Dad: 'Cause there's no February 30th?

    Dad/Mom: Son, you're adopted.

    Son: I know. *holds up daddy's phone that has the text of them talking about it.*

    Dad: Babe, we need to talk.

    Mom: Okay......

    Dad: He's grounded.

    Mom: You're right, you're grounded! Oh, and I'm dumping you.

    Son: Am I getting a new daddy?

    Mom: Soon honey, soon....

    Dad: I really shouldn't have let her know I cheating.

    What do you call a kid with no arms or legs?

    Don't matter what you call him, he ain't coming.

    What did a cat say to the dog?

    "I will kill and eat you hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehheehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehheeehehehehehehehe"

    Mom: Son, did you go to school?

    Son: What if I said yes?

    Mom: You are in school! *slap*

    Son: Mom, I am moving out and I am moving in with my girlfriend.

    Mom: You are with...? Please don't move out =(

    Son: Mom, stop! So what if I am moving out? I am moving into my girlfriend's home. It's only for school.

    Mom: Well, you are kicked out of my home!

    Son: Good.

    Mom: I am sad now. Why did he move out?

    If you like it, please commit down.

    If you are friendly on a game, should I will kill you in the game? You should say, "Will, if you did kill me, I will tell my more friendly to ban you from the game." The friendly should [ask], "What you got?" Friendly on the game [replies], "Jack, you are not my friendly, the all friendly you be ban, if you don't get it, will have fun." If you don't like the text, I am come for you. Ok, now like it, the end.

    If you are a big fan of me, go to the movie and I kill the bad guys. If you don't, I will be mad and I will be sonic.exe lol.

    Son: Mom, can I tell you something?

    Mom: Yes, of course, honey, what's up?

    Son: Ok, you have terrible jokes! They're not even funny!

    Mom: Well, I made you.