Back

You jokes

Boyfriend: Let's go to bed.

Girlfriend: No.

Boyfriend: Why?

Girlfriend: Because you want sex.

Boyfriend: No, I don't.

NEXT MINUTE

The man could hear banging.

The depressed kid getting bullied.

The bully: "You are useless."

The depressed kid: "I know."

What's the difference between a porn star and a mosquito?

One stops sucking when you smack it.

  • 4

    • Why do you let your dads sleep so they don't get grumpy and eat your dinner?

    Life is like a game of poker, guys start by going with them clubs, ladies follow with a set of hearts, guys put down the diamonds, and before you know it you got a full house.

    Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?

    Son: A ugly girl.

    Dad: Why not a pretty girl?

    Son: A pretty one might run away.

    Dad: So an ugly one might too.

    Son: Yeah, but who cares?

    Do you guys know how to make a hoe in Minecraft?

    You pick it up off the street.

    My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:

    Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!

    No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.

    Why does new pavement smell like butt?

    In other words you can also call it asphalt.

    Ass-phalt.

    I'm having sex with your mother. That makes me better than you.

    I'm having sex with your mother. That makes me better than you.

    *guitar solo*

    I like your mama's big butt, and I cannot lie. Your other brothers can't deny that she's fly. We make sexy time, yes and every night I tap that. She saw me butt-naked, now she thinks I'm half black. But your mom's the best, the super M.I.L.F. 'Cause she loves to toss the salad even though she ain't a chef. And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol But if I were you, I wouldn't kiss your mom on the mouth at all. She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez. Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed. She likes rough sex with handcuffs and I'll be honest She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna. She's so therapeutic. When I need to cure my restlessness I br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br motorboat your mom's breastestess. I didn't wanna tell you, but I had to write this song 'Cause I'm in your house every night doin' your mo-om.

    Doin your mom doin doin your mom

    You know we straight with doin your mom

    I'm doin your mom. Yes yours!

    I first saw her in the Wal-Mart pickin out your drawers.

    Big Dolly Parton hair like an 80s prom queen

    But her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom-jeans.

    I approached her in the checkout line, and said yo baby wassup?

    She had two gallons of milk, and I was starin' at her jugs.

    Five minutes later she agreed to get with me

    So we went and rocked the minivan like Giggity. Giggity. Giggity.

    I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart.

    I gave her a lift back to her crib cause her car wouldn't start.

    She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again.

    How many times I tap that ass? OVER 9000!

    Yeah. She called me Pledge cause I knocked the dust off it.

    She later made me a sandwich and she cut the crust off it.

    Cause she knows how I like it, and that I'm a little young

    To be in the bed, butt-naked doin your mom.

    Doin your mom doin doin your mom

    You know we straight with doin your mom

    I like your mama's big butt, and I cannot lie.

    You other brothers can't deny that she's fly.

    We make sexy time, yes and every night I tap that.

    She saw me butt-naked, now she thinks I'm half black.

    But your moms the best, the super M.I.L.F.

    Cause she loves to toss the salad even though she ain't a chef

    And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol

    But If I were you, I wouldn't kiss your mom on the mouth at all.

    She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez.

    Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed.

    She likes rough sex with handcuffs and I'll be honest

    She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna.

    She's so therapeutic. When I need to cure my restlessness

    I br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br motorboat your moms breastestess.

    I didn't wanna tell you, but I had to write this song

    Cause I'm in your house every night doin your mo-om.

    Doin your mom doin doin your mom

    You know we straight with doin your mom

    I'm havin' sex with your mother

    That makes me better than you.

    I'm havin' sex with your mother

    That makes me better than you.