You jokes

Gwen is a liar. She said she is a Christian and then is saying bad, bad, bad, bad words. Shame on you, Gwen, LIAR!

An orphan was playing with a famous baseball player. The baseball player walks up to him and says, "Dude, I gotta teach you." The orphan goes, "Why? I got all your moves down." The baseball player goes, "But kid, you can never find home, though."

What do you call an autistic kid that’s good at art?

Artistic.

I like you, you like me.

Let’s go out and kill Barney with a big shot gun. Barney’s on the floor, no more purple dinosaur. 🌸🌸🌸🌺🌺🌺🥀🥀🥀RIP BARNEY

You use your legs as support, you count on your fingers.

Why don’t you peel a banana?

It’s too hard to kill your nana.

What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?

Nut in the butt.

What do you call a train with bubble gum?

A chew chew train.

Oh man, I'm depressed.

If you're depressed and you're crying, like this joke.

What do you call Greg in your class? Obese.

"Prince???? Where are you??? I might have to go to bed for real, but I just wish we could talk at night. Why don't we anyway? (I love you so much!)"

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?" She is shocked. "Why would you want something like that?" The man calmly tells her, "I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover." The pharmacist is now horrified. She said, "I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and murder!" At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sex with the pharmacist's husband. She examines it then looks up at him. "Oh. I didn't know you had a prescription."

Your forehead is so big that you dream in 4K.

How do you fit a baby into a shoebox?

A blender.

How do you get them out?

Tortilla chips.

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at your front door?

Matt.

What do you say to a kid in a trash compactor?

You looking a little square.

Did you know the "f" in "orphan" stands for family because there is no "f" in orphan.

You know that your grades are bad when you get a 66% on a test and your grade goes up.

Next time you get a call from anybody, say, "Hi, welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"

Or,

"Hi, welcome to Pizza and Abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce!"

It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.