You jokes
Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."
Person 1: How smart are you?
Person 2: Really smart.
Person 1: Ok. If you have 3 ghosts and take away 2, how many are left?
Person 2: 1 ghost is left.
Person 1: Wrong! 0 ghosts are left because ghosts don't exist!
If you drink, don’t drive. People cause accidents.
If you drink, don’t park. Accidents cause people.
Did you know that an orphan can take a selfie and a family photo at the same time?
Gf: Babe, do you love me?
Bf: Count the stars and that's how much I love you.
Gf: But it's morning, sweetie...
Bf: Exactly.
Gf: :0, I'll take that as a no.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I tell you, you look pretty, but all you do is look like a poo.
You don't have any balls.
How do you rape a girl?
By doing a tornado kick to your head since you stupid kids like rape jokes!
If you read this, you lost your v card.
If you read this, you are gay.
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold!
So, I went up to an Australian girl. She looked like she was 20, and I said, "Can I have your phone number, sweetheart?" She said, "696969." I said, "Oh, haha, okay." A few days later, her mother called me and said she's 15.
Why did you go depressed?
Because you’re you.
Boyfriend: Let's go to bed.
Girlfriend: No.
Boyfriend: Why?
Girlfriend: Because you want sex.
Boyfriend: No, I don't.
NEXT MINUTE
The man could hear banging.
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
The suicide squad.
The depressed kid getting bullied.
The bully: "You are useless."
The depressed kid: "I know."
What's the difference between a porn star and a mosquito?
One stops sucking when you smack it.
Why do you let your dads sleep so they don't get grumpy and eat your dinner?
What do you call an orphan's selfie?
A family portrait.