How do you break up blind people in a fight? Scream, "I put my money on the guy with the knife!"
You Jokes
What do you call a blind person on a date? A blind date.
Have you ever seen Helen Keller's dog?
Neither has she.
How do you punish a blind kid?
Move to a new house.
What do you call a blind racist?
A not see.
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"
What did one mountain climber say to the other mountain climber?
Man, you are really on edge.
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way.
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener!
What do you call a Hippie's Wife? A Mississippi.
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: I've got you flowers.
Patient: Awww, What's the bad news?
Doctor: They're for your grave.
What do you call a blind dinosaur? Do-you-think-he-saurus.
Dad: What time do you wanna go to the dentist?
Daughter: *tooth hurty*
Dad: All right.
What would you name your pet rabbit?
Harry.
Did you hear the gossip about butter? Never mind, I butter not spread it...
What did the human say to the fly when it was buzzing around the human's head?
"Would you stop bugging me!"
What did one bee say to the other bee?
"I love you, honey!"
A man comes home and hears his wife talking about having sex at the club. The man busts into the club with a revolver and says, "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE?" Well, everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets."
Ready when you are, KK.
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
