Q: What do you call America in a year? A: A wasteland.
You Jokes
Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?
1 scent.
I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?
2 pears.
I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?
3 coppers.
I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?
4 Lincolns.
I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?
NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!
What do you call a bunch of microcephalics in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
Throw a plate.
It’s broken, right?
Say “sorry” to it.
Did it fix back?
No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)
Did you know that dogs started the street craps game?
If I stepped on a Twix, would you get mad?
Me: What do you call 4 depressed kids?
My friend: What?
Me: The Suicide Squad.
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
Suicide squad.
What do you call your angry French aunt?
A crossaunt.
Welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make 'em, we take 'em!
What did the orphan say to his mom?
Where are you?
What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.
How are Tinder and orphans alike?
You swipe left till you find the one you like.
What did the brother say to the other brother? "You are brother, brother."
What did the pen say to the pencil? You have a point.
You're fat. Don't sugar coat it because you would probably eat that, too.
Me: When I saw an orphan on the street in rags.
Also me: Are you okay?
Orphan: Yeah, what gave it away?
Me: Because you have no family.
The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."
A man who drinks a lot is told by his wife that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him.
Later, the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. 'Oh no,' he says to his friend, 'if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.' 'Don't worry,' his friend says. 'Put a £20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the £20 note for the dry cleaning.' 'Brilliant!' the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. 'No no,' the man says, producing the money from his inside pocket. 'A man threw up on me and gave me £20 for the dry cleaning.' 'What's the other £20 note for?' asks his wife. 'Ah, that's from the man who shat in my pants.....'
You're so poor you wash paper plates.
