You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.
You Jokes
What do you call Cap and Spider-Man? Spider-America!
Jack and Jill went down to hell to fetch your mother's bladder.
Her bladder broke. You two are soaked, and now you have a daughter, 'cause in that bladder was me!
Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy).
Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle).
Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what's the third son's name? A: David.
What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
You know why Ted Cruz left Texas?
Because they never take a chill pill.
9: I am higher than you.
8: No, you're not!
(8 flips to his side)
My grandfather said we rely on technology too much, so I unplugged his life support. Luckily, I remember his last words: "You little bastard!"
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Bro, you teeth are so yellow that you can't brush your teeth.
How does a penguin (however you spell it) build a house? Igloos it together!
Q: Why is the graveyard so noisy? A: Because all the coffin.
If you don't get it, it means because of people coughing.
Whoever invented school, I hope you burn in hell.
Q: How do you cover a Chinese's eyes?
A: Use dental floss.
Why does your mom hate you?
Because you are a loser.
My bf: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
My bf: Ice cream.
Me: Ice cream who?
My bf: I scream if you don't let me see that smoking hot body!
A teacher asked her class “what is sex?”
Little Johnny got up and said: “Sex is a *temptation* Caused by a *sensation* Where the boy sticks his *location* Into a girls *destination* To increase the *population* Of the next *generation* Did you get my *explanation*? Or do you need a *demonstration*?”
The teacher faints.
How many babies does it take to paint the walls red?
Depends how hard you throw them.
Me: I know why you don't have friends.
Kid: Why?
Me: Because you can't even figure that out.
