You jokes
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A roamin' Catholic.
Why are there no chemists in Africa?
Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.
For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
What do you call a Trump Supporter?
A piece of $hit!
Are you bisexual...
Or are you hellosexual?
When you got on an airplane, the flight attendant asked which hairline you were flying with.
Your hairline retreats from your face just like all the guys that look at you.
Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.
Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏
Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
"You wanna play the rape game?" "No." "That's the spirit!"
What do us emos all have in common?
Depression. Anxiety. The sole desire to just start saying you wanna kys right out of the blue a lot and saying "I CAN'T WAIT TO JUMP OF THAT BUILDING SOON!" and other people say, "Idgaf, do it, all of us would be happy."
If you leave your small children inside a shower with Kelly Clarkson, you're a filthy parent.
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!
What do you call a rapper who LOVES winter sports?
Ice Cube.
What do you call it when Panera Bread decapitates someone?
Panera Behead.
What do you call it when someone lies to Panera Bread?
Panera misled.
What do you call it when you choose Panera Bread over something else?
Panera instead.
What do you call it when Panera Bread commits genocide?
Panera bloodshed.