You jokes

What do you get when you cross mums and makeup?

Beauty!

"Bill swift here, you make them, we take them!"

What do you call a gay person who is gay but just can't admit it? A Filipino.

With what do you stuff a dead parrot? His.

What do you call a country who needs another race just to be the best country in sports?

America.

What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"

You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.

What do you call a dwarf in a drawer?

Gay.

What's the same with a controller and a woman?

They both work if you hit them.

Guy: Hi, how was your day today?

Woman: Good!

Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*

Guy: How many months pregnant are you?

Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.

How many kids does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them. 😂😂😂😂

Yo, Buster, I hope I am not busting your bubble.

What's something similar between a clogged pipe and a pregnant woman?

You fix both with a coat hanger.

What's the difference between Captain Morgan and Amy Winehouse?

Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke.

I would like to say that Jace, I disagree with you a lot, and I think you’re a very delusional person.

My sister said that you know that "that" is really cool. Then I said, "You know you can shut up."

What do a Rubik's cube and a dick have in common? The more you play with them, the harder they get.

Roses are red, grass is greener.

When I think of you, I play with my weiner.

Hi guys, it's Gwen. Good morning, people! Just to let you know, I am deleting my account tomorrow.

You know if you go to Wal-Mart, and go to the milk section, you might just find your dads.