You jokes
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
What did the cancer doctor say?
You just got a new Christmas present—cancer!
You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?
Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?
He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.
Have you ever been to the new Disney park called SawCon?
SawCon deez nutz!
A woman has been raped by a man. She calls the police, and a policeman shows up.
Woman: "Please help, officer! I have been raped!"
Officer: "No problem, ma'am, I will just unrape you."
Woman: "What? Unrape me? How?"
Officer proceeds to bring back the rapist and forces the woman to rape the rapist back in order to cancel out the initial rape.
Teacher: Students, tomorrow bring your parents to the open house.
Student one orphan: I don't have any.
Student 2: What is the difference between you and an escaped prisoner?
Student one orphan: What!
Student 2: The prisoner gets picked.
What would a man say to flirt with a woman that has a big butt?
You are so butty-ful!
Why can't you hear the pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
Why did the little girl cry twice?
Because you wiped your shitty bloody duck on her favorite teddy bear.
Why did the little girl cry twice?
Because you wiped your bloody shitty cock on her favorite teddy bear.
Kid: Where do I put this paper?
Teacher: I already said go ask your neighbors.
Kid: Ok. *Walks home to his neighbor's house*
Kid: Hey neighbor, I didn't know where to put this paper, and my teacher said to ask you. Do you know?
Neighbor: No, sorry, I don't.
Kid: Okay, bye! *Kid walks back to school.*
Kid: Teacher, my next-door neighbor didn't know.
Teacher: Ugh, you went home?!
Kid: Yes, you told me to!
Teacher: I meant at school!
Kid: Ohhhhhh!
Teacher: Duh!
Me: Do you know a funny joke?
Friend: Yes, you.
What did the egg say to the other egg?
"You crack me up!" 😂
You can beat up orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Do you ever get that feeling where you're just going through a school parking lot, then you realize that there are no parking lots?
Do you know why Santa's sack is so big? He only comes once a year.
You're so fat that you're gonna be my next hamburger for dinner and the next In-N-Out, just like your parents.
You're gay if you see this.
I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"