You jokes
Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.
You want to know what annoying people and dogs have in common.
The female ones are called "bitch."
Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.
My mum told me to take you to the zoo and throw you in the lake, but I couldn't find you.
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
What did the Roman say to the gladiator?
See you later, gladiator.
20 years later
Johnny: Hey dad.
Dad: Yea?
Johnny: Fuck you, I ain't comin' back to your grave in 16 years, then ima come back, BITCH!
Dad: Doing the same thing I did to you and your mother, ay? I deserve it :( ;O not real...NOT A FUCKING ALL.
Johnny: Yea you kinda fucking do.
Dad:...
Little Johnny: Hey, Dad, are you finally back with the milk?
Dad: Yea, but it's expired, so I'm going back to the "milk store" and get more (and not come back for a couple more years). :)
You are all fucking disgusting!
The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"
The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."
The circular saw would reply with, "What?"
By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.
What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant lady?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
Have you heard of the Tic-Tac-Toe Beetle? It has an X-O-skeleton.
What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.
What do you call Miles Morales Spider-Man from Europe?
Kilometers Morales.
What do you call a rare fart in Egypt? A toot uncommon!
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.
I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"
He gave me a book.
It was the Quran.
I said, "What the hell is that?"
He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."
When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:
Why would you shoot up an innocent school... if your aimbot's dead and you can't commit headshots only?