You know what would be the best last thing to say before you die? "No, you certainly can't." JFK's assassin certainly can!
You Jokes
How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?
Change your name to "Rape."
Huh what you say?
Come fight me, suck a dick.
Therapist: What do you want to do when you grow up?
Me: Oh, I wan-
Therapist: Don’t say to be dead.
Me: Well, I want to be an entrepreneur. I want to sell land, pencils, oh yeah. I also want to sell farm.
Why shouldn't you let a Chinese person play baseball?
'Cause they'll eat the bat!
What do you call a blank piece of paper?
Women's rights.
A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"
Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"
"Don’t look! I saw you peeking through the window."
Do you like my a-corn-y jokes?
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
You pecan do it!
You must be rich! You've got all the cashews.
Cashew, see, I'm nuts about you!?
I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.
I want an almond-flavored biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am!
I have a pun, but I will nut tell you!
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it a la mode.
Can I ask you a question? Nut now!
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
