You are getting Cole for Christmas, you shit fuckers.
You Jokes
Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend, Sally.
They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back, Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said, "You need to be quarantined again."
"No," Sally said, "I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups, especially women, like." Then the teacher faints.
What do you call people who jumped in the dam?
A dam fool.
Little Johnny is in class one day, and little Timmy starts laughing. The teacher says, "What's so funny?" He said, "I can see your bra strap." The teacher says, "Don't come back to class for a week," so he gets up and walks out. A few minutes later, little Billy starts laughing, and she asks, "What's funny now?" Little Billy said, "I can see both of your bra straps." The teacher says, "Get out of my classroom for a month." So little Billy got pissed, he walked out and slammed the door. This scared the teacher, and she dropped the chalk. She picked it up, then she stood back up, and she sees little Johnny walking out of the classroom. She asked, "Where do you think you're going?" He said, "Well, teach, after what I saw, I'm done with school for a lifetime."
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.
You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
"Oh, waiter! Waiter!"
"Yes, sir?"
"Do you have frog's legs?"
"Why, yes."
"Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!"
How do you get away with murder?
How do you get away with rape?
Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"
Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.
Boyfriend: "Babe, are you traffic police?"
Girlfriend: "No."
Boyfriend: "Then why do you shout at me for not wearing a helmet?"
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want—he can’t hear you.
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.
It would have been better if Martin Luther King didn’t have a dream.
You know, for his sake.
Roses are red, violets are blue, poetry is gay, and so are you.
My mum told me to take out the trash, but I couldn’t find you.
Do you ever wonder why Michael from Halloween likes his mask so much? It's because he ad-Myers it.
Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher asked, "How many of you guys are Trump fans?" Since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands, well, except Little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "Why are you being different again, Johnny?" So Little Johnny says, "Well, because I'm a Democrat. My mom is a Democrat, and my dad is a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat!" So then the teacher responds with, "Well, what if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Well, Little Johnny says, "A Trump fan!"
I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.
You're like a cat, all you do is eat and sleep.
Me: Are you an alien?
Friend: No.
Me: Yeah, because you're too ugly to be one.
