You Jokes

What will you call Burj Khalifa after 100 years?

"Bujurg" Khalifa. (Just a joke)

Rape jokes are like your dad's dick. You don't want it but you still get it anyway.

Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"

Don't y'all just hate when something funny to you happens and then you just have to be quiet so you don't look like a villain?

When you are in the legendary chest in Fortnite and no golden scar rage.

My mom told me to make my dad smile, and she will give me $100, so I said, "The Cowboys are gonna win the Super Bowl." He smiled, but my mom didn't give it to me.

Anyways, I forgot about my package coming, and the mailman came, and I said, "I like your hat; teal looks nice on you," and he smiled, and my mom gave me $100.

What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.

My jokes are like your dad, you only see them for a few days.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a dog with no legs? No point in calling, he won't come anyway :(

This is how to die soft 101.

Yo bro, you good? You need a hug?

POV: You liked this joke because you're straight.

What do you get when King Kong steps on Batman and Robin?

Flatman and Ribbon.

You're so fat, when people see you running, they can't help but yell out, "Keep running!"

FaceBook Story: My mom loves FaceBook; she literally posts every day, but this day was sort of a hard hit.

So what happened was my mom got tired of her old name on Facebook, so she changed it to Thatmilf85, and I don't want to explain what milf means, but she got a lot of DM's from a lot of old guys. BUT, this one exact guy named Johnny Sins asked my mom if she wanted to do an adult film. I don't know what that is. I think it's an adult movie, of course, so she says yes and flies out to San Diego, and she never came back after yesterday, and to YOU Johnny Sins, my mom better be Ok and that adult film better be an adult movie and not a por...

An orphan goes to a family restaurant with her doll.

"I'm sorry but you can't be here," said the man. "This is a family restaurant." The orphan said, "This is my family," then pointed to her doll.

You dream in 4K.

Have you ever heard of a dream that that that that the universe was a fake machine?

You are so ugly, Hello Kitty said goodbye.

What is the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

What's the difference between a piano, a pot of glue, and a tuna fish?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

What about the glue?

I knew you'd get stuck there.