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I asked to borrow a book from the library. It was titled "Suicide in Ten Easy Steps." The cunt just stood and said, "Cheeky bastard, you won't bring it back!"

What do you call Jan[uary] 6th?

White people smearing shit on the walls of the capitol!

If you hit a child, that's child abuse.

If you hit a family member, that's abuse.

If you kill either, it's murder for some reason.

If it's a whole family, it's genocide for another reason.

Hey Gwen, listen, I know you're on this app, fake or not. I love you either way. Please find this faker and finish her off for what she's done, real Gwen.

*You're a real best Gwen*

POV there’s a school shooting.

American: First time, European?

European: Yeah, you American?

American: No, not my first time.

Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.

Next day:

Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?

Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.

The dad sulked for 3 whole years.

Proof that words really can hurt.

What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?

With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.

Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"

Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"

Boy: "What do you mean?"

Friend and me: "We can show you."

Me: "I will tie the rope."

Friend: "I will push the chair."

Yeah man, you watch Pornhub, and you have premium too, but at least I don't need Premium to see your mom in bed.