You jokes

What do you call an emo committing suicide while filming it?

America's Funniest Home Videos.

Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.

You're an orphan and blind. You have cancer. You will die in 3 days. Merry Xmas!

Have a child you don't want? Just drop them off at a school they don't know and drive away.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Shrek thought he was ugly until he saw you.

Did you know that..

Studies show 9 in 10 Americans do not have basic math skills.

Oh, thank god I'm in that 1%.

You're so skinny, you could travel through a fax!

"Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but You're too shy to say it Inside, we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you." mucho_mango: just woke up from my dream what was that.

What stands on the side of the road and needs a lot of money to buy?

Billboard, did you think I was gonna say street walker?

What do you call a girl above age 16 who says she is a virgin? A liar.

Have you watched the show "Naked and Afraid"? Well, I play it every Saturday with my uncle.

Hello, This is Jimmy from Jimmy's Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic! Your next loss is our next sauce! How many pizzas do you need?

What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.

Do you know pigeons die when they have sex?

I mean, the one I fucked died.

A kid was asking a mother for money.

Mother: Sorry, I don't have money.

The kid kept asking the mother for money.

Mother: I already told you I don't have money.

The kid (the middle child): I'm your fucking child!

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Yo mum." "Yo mum who?" "Yo mum is watching you wank right now."

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

I did.

I did who?

You did a poo.

Ring.. Ring.. Yes this is Dave from the Orphanage, "you make 'em we take 'em", how may I be of service?

So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."

Me: Want to play 911?

My little brother: What's that?

Me: It's where I kick your legs and you fall.