You jokes
What do you call an orphan selfie?
A family photo.
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving; you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving more than once.
If your wife says: “What would you most like to do to my body?” “Identify it” is the wrong answer.
Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?
Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.
"You're the bomb."
"No, you're the bomb."
A compliment in the US, an argument in the Middle East.
The department of touch yourself is coming to the UK near you. I hope Scotland gets freedom. I can't wait to leave England and live in Scotland.
Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.
And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.
You're adopted, do you want to know why? Because you're so ugly.
Guys, can you like my jokes, please?
Ryan, I laid out more jokes than you have crying about me!
Bob, why are you kicking the kids?
What, it's not like they have a home to go to.
A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar.
These two have been great friends for over 20 years...play golf together...and meet every Tuesday at a classy bar for a glass of wine...talk about golf...good wine and spiritual matters. One day while at the bar enjoying a glass of merlot, the Rabbi raises his glass of wine and says to his long time friend.."brother, do you believe Jesus turned water into wine?"...the Priest thinks for a moment and raises his glass of wine and replies..."yes brother, I do believe Jesus turned water into wine...but don't get excited...since Jesus was Jewish, the wine was probably Manischewitz."
How do you turn rape into no rape? Steal her bank details for money transfer.
Helen Keller is the kind of person to ask you what the time is.
What wastes your money as you earn it?
Women.
What do you call German weed?
Mustard Gas.
What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.
I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!
Family is precious, so you have to keep them away from the sunlight.