You Jokes

Q: How do you deliver an autistic baby?

A: A clothes hanger.

Did you hear they found a cure for autism? It's called Zyklon B.

Light it up blue 🔵

What does a Chinese do when you throw an apple at him? Ka-ching!

I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.

"Piggy killed you with a bat because he is fat 0-0."

I'm bored. If you want to friend me in Roblox, my username is Talitha95g and my nickname is talithafromamirica.

My balls are so purple that I use them as crayons, and I am not talking about the balls you play with. I am talking about the boy balls.

What do you call an emo a cappella group?

Self harmony.

What do you call a blind person driving a car?

Died.

Q: What do you call a security guard at Samsung?

A: Guardians of the Galaxy.

At the age of 100, you get a letter from the Queen. At 12, you get a DM from Prince Charles.

I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"

I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.

I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”

That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.

Shame on you Penaldo!

What do you call a giraffe giving a blow job to another giraffe?

Getting neck!

Is it classed as down under if you eat out an Australian chick?

A man was almost about to drown. A boat said, "Do you need help?" And he said no.

After the boat left, another boat came to the sea, and they asked if he needed help, and he said no.

And he asked God, "Why didn't you help me?"

God said, "I sent you two big boats, you dummy!"

Did you know that new Teslas don't come with the new car smell?

They come with an Elon Musk.

Can you dislike this!

Roses are red, violets are blue, When I take out the trash, I remember you.

You're so fat you probably apply sunscreen with a paint roller.