I have a friend of mine from school. I always see them with bangs, so I never knew what their forehead looked like until one day they came... Their forehead was bigger than Mount Everest, that you can make an entire Olympics mountain climbing audition on that forehead! :)
Luisa: The ship doesn't swerve, as it heard how big the iceberg is.
Captain of the Titanic: Wait, what did you say?
3 minutes later:
Why didn't I listen to the strong one?
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: "Why didn't you drug her again so she would forget?"
Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.
Your mama is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas, and it's still downloading.
What do you tell a suicidal person when they complain about their problems to you?
Just hang in there, man.
What do you call someone who’s blond, beautiful, and listens to what you’re saying, but only hears what they want?
Womxn
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie with Batman? Two family reunions!
Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.
Children and your meat are actually quite similar.
At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.
when the bully says “you’re adopted” so you hit him with the “at least someone wanted me”
A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.
So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."
What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.
Chris Rock: Jada, I can't wait to see you in G.I. Jane 2!
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song starts playing:
Will: "I got in one lil' fight about my wife's lost hair, she said, 'Will, if you don't do something I'm gonna have an affair!'" 😂😂😂
What do you call identical tall people? Twin Towers.
Are you a fire alarm because you're loud and annoying?
Do you know what the f in orphan stands for family oh wait there is no f
When you ask an orphan to come over:
Kid: "Do you want to come over to my house?"
Orphan: "Yeah, sure."
Kid: "Ok, ask your parents—oh wait."
What do you call an emo filming their suicide?
America's Funniest Home Videos.
What's an emo's favorite game?
Limbo.
(If you don't understand the joke, go look up what Limbo is.)
