You Jokes

It is a known fact that you cannot say “harassment” without “her ass.”

I guess you could say, “harassment something.”

Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?

Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.

You're so fat that when you went sunbathing at the beach, Greenpeace came along and pushed you back in the ocean.

I can’t help you find orphan jokes. Maybe ask their family.

You are so hairy, you starred in Donkey Kong before!

You are so hairy, Bigfoot took your picture!

You are so ugly when you gave birth to your baby, you gave it carpet burn.

You are so ugly, when you went to a haunted house, you came back with a job application.

You are so fat you were able to occupy Wall Street all by yourself.

What should you never say to an orphan?

"Your Mom."

My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."

Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

Suck its cock.

Yo... Kobe, you're going down man. Did you forget the low grade fuel?

Little Johnny was late to school one day, and Miss Brown asks, "Johnny, how come you're late to class?" And Johnny says, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and started fucking the white cow." Miss Brown said, "Johnny, don't use that word. Next time you want to say that, use the word 'surprised'."

The next day Johnny was late again, and Miss Brown said, "Johnny, why are you late?" And Johnny replied, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and 'surprised' the white cow." Miss Brown said, "That's much better, Johnny." And Johnny said, "Yeah, walked straight passed it and started fucking the black one."

How do you know an abo robbed your house?

The bins (trash cans) are empty and the dog is pregnant.

You know why Hitler wouldn’t drink whisky? Because it made him angry.

You: "Captain, where is this plane going?"

Captain: "New York, 175 Greenwich Street."

Say all you want about priests, but at least they drive slowly in school zones.

What did the floor say to the ceiling?

"I look up to you."

How do you spell ihop?

Then spell ihop and say "ness".