You jokes
Have you ever heard of horchata? Horchata, fuck up!
A man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia.
The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"
You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...
Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.
You smell dirty toenails and pigeon sex.
I would invite you to play baseball, but there's no home for you to run to.
What do you call an ex-lesbian?
A clitter quitter.
What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?
Kid's.
Imagine someone leaving a cut-out of Jeff Bezos on your car after you found out your blind bf cheated on you, and the McDonald's employee says over the speaker, "Weren't expecting him to see other hoes were you?"
When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?
Have you ever seen a blind man swim?
Neither has he.
What do you call a kid with 15 nukes and a shotgun?
The final countdown.
Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"
The terrorists both say, "A beer."
The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"
One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"
What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu? Pikachu, I choose you!
What's the difference between 8 and 9? When you have the 9, everyone wants to be your friend.
Do you know why boys can't ask girls out? Because they don't have any balls to ask girls out!
Me and my friend roasting each other.
Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.
Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.
My friend, you lit my mind: that's what the lighter said to my thighs.
Okay, what do you call a dummy that writes a dumb writer?
What do you call a stupid pig? A pious.
SON: “Mommy, I found Daddy!”
MOM: “What did I tell you about digging in the garden?”