How do you execute Stephen Hawking?
The electric wheelchair.
You Jokes
Knock knock.
You: Who's there?
Urmom.
I'll tell you a good joke. Stephen Hawking went for a walk.
If you look up the word "wheelchair" in a dictionary, you will see a picture of Stephen Hawking.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Steven.
Can't you read? It says, "No Hawking."
Did you hear about the car that turned into a wheelchair?
I went home and I saw my friend kissing my sister. I said, "What’s going on?" They both told me that they’re going out with each other. I said, "Alright."
The next morning, I see my friend kissing my mom. I said, "What’s going here?" They both told me they’re going out with each other. Then my friend said to me, "I gave you 3 gifts. 1 gift, I’m your best friend. 2 gift, I’m your new brother-in-law. 3 gift, I’m your new stepfather." I felt so happy I had a friend that [is] looking out for me.
One day I was going home, and 7 married men came to me and said, "You should be proud of your sister." I asked why. They told me it was the best that they ever had, and we got your sister a trophy.
So I went home, my sister said, "Look at my trophy I earned." The trophy said "The Best Blow Jobs." As a bro, I couldn’t be more prouder.
Stephen Hawking was a spac. But if you put an E on the end, you get space, and he loved that.
On one hand he was fantastic and the other a spastic. You could say he was a fantastic spastic.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Grounded beef.
My friend: You're so skinny, you never miss the elevator when it's closing. You just slip right through!😂
Me thinking it's a gift from God: 🕴️😎
My dick wants to buy you a beer. 🍺
Like if you meet someone emo.
You're so ugly that when you came out of the haunted house, you had a job offer.
You know how 7 ate 9? Why was 10 scared? It's because he was in the middle of 9/11. 🤣
What do you call an Indian plane that comes back?
A Boomerang.
Grandma isn’t responding. Close app, wait, cancel.
Which do you choose?
You're so skinny my grandma gonna use you like a cane.
You're so fat, when you fall, the sidewalk cracks.
