You jokes
One thing you can ask Mario:
"Can you jump up and down for me?"
What did Nemo say to the emo?
"Be careful, you can't Nemo your way out of emo."
You know the Twin Towers employees were supposed to meet a good football team. Instead, they just met the Jets.
Did you hear about the baseball game between America and Ethiopia?
America - 8
Ethiopia - didn't.
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.
You've heard of anal sex.
You've heard of oral sex.
You've heard of genital sex.
But have you ever heard of NASAL SEX?
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.
The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.
"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"
Sally: "You..."
Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"
Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."
Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"
Johnny: "A pig."
Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "
Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"
Teacher: "If you're dumb, stand up."
Nobody stands up.
After some waiting, the teacher says, "Really? No one? There must be someone."
Little Johnny stands up.
"Oh, so you think you're dumb, Johnny?"
"Nah, I just feel bad that you're standing alone."
Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.
Ha ha! Get rickrolled!
How many balls do you have on your body?
2. Your butt.
Would you rather date me or a lady?
I laid deez nuts in your mouth.
My Crandall just be smashing more than you ON DA GIRLS, and he was slapping your girl last night harder than WILL at the OSCARS! ;)
My biggest joke: I’d show you, but I don’t have a mirror to show you.
George, when I saw your face, I had to shoot you with a Nerf gun. If you died, wimp.
When I saw you, it instantly made me cry. LOL.
Q: Why can you be rude to an orphan?
A: Because who are they gonna tell their parents?
What can't you say to an emo?
Hang in there, buddy!
Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?
They'll say "yea."