You jokes
A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"
These orphan jokes are getting old. I mean, seriously, haven't you got something better to tell?
You know why women wear tampons?
So the crabs could bungee jump!
You should bully orphans. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.
If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.
You suck harder than a vacuum ever will :)
How do you bury a prostitute?
In a Y-shaped coffin.
What do you call a fat Indian that is actually a machine?
The "curry muncher 2000."
How do you stop a terrorist from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
How many terrorists does it take to tile a roof?
It depends on how thin you slice them.
Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.
Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"
Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".
"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"
Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."
Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."
Your dad left you because he went for milk.
*1,000,000 years later*
Her: Dad come back!
Him: FBI open up!
How you know it’s her time in MJ's house?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
Are you a highway? Because I wanna lay on you.
Are you a train because I want to get railed by you? ;)
Your forehead is so big, you look like Megamind but with no superpower, just a big forehead!
What do you call a tall person?
A tall person.
A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."
Did you hear they’re making an Elmo toy to appeal to the Tourette’s crowd?
I believe it’s called the “Tic Me Elmo.”
What do you call a Muslim with Tourette’s? A ticcing time bomb.