Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?
"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."
Mommy, Mommy, are you an archer?
"Shut up and keep the apple on your head still."
What do you call a surprised Chinese man?
Ho Lee Fuk.
"What's your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."
What are the four letters you don't want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
Parents: "I'm taking your toys to the orphanage." Kid: "Why?" Parents: "So you don't get bored there."
What don't Rick Astley and the Twin Towers have in common?
One won't let you down, while the other will.
If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. After all, they are independent and need no man.
Cheer on the rapist if you want.
A dog was in the vet's waiting room and another dog asked, "What are you here for?"
"Well, my owner was looking under her bed for something while naked and I couldn't resist, so I mounted up and screwed her senseless."
"Oh, so you're here to get neutered?"
"Nah, I'm just getting my nails clipped."
An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."
The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"
What do you call someone who has sex with foals, calves, and lambs? A Quadrupedophile.
You soak balls, get it?
Why can't orphans go big? When you go big, it's considered family size.
What do you call it when a cow gets disciplined by her parents? Grounded beef.
What do you call a cow that fell up the stairs? Ground beef
What do you call a sleeping cow? Ground beef
What do you call a cow who's personality is down to Earth? Ground beef
What do you call a cow that skydives without a parachute? Ground Beef
Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"
What animal howls at the moon and eats cement?
If you guessed wolf, you're right! I threw in the cement to make it hard.
