You jokes
You look like a heroin addict in a women's refuge.
Did you hear about the bull who went on a shooting rampage?
I guess he was a little deranged.
Comic: God, you're a fuckin' virgin, aren't you?!
Gerald: No! I've been 'round the block loads of times; women practically drool over me.
Comic: Yeah, and the Archbishop of Banterbury, mate. A name like Gerald, and with added 'four eyes' like them shit pair of glasses from FOUR EYED SPECCY INSTITUTION, mate, the only woman your dick has been in was when you were inside your mom's womb.
I said, "Are you half left or half right?"
"Neither! In-between."
"What?! In between your mom's tits when you go to sleep with her at night?"
Why is a ghost so predictable?
Because you can see right through it.
Political correctness has gone too far! You have to say "cognitive decline" rather than "Alzheimer's ridden shitbag"!
What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?
I guess orange is the new black.
How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A saltshaker.
If you're ever in need of a punching bag, just go to your local Alzheimer's unit.
They'll forget you were there in like three minutes.
You really seem like you don't want to be laughing at that rape joke, but somewhat ironically, I'm forcing you.
When we take a family photo, you are the background.
Your hairline is so far gone that you could build a runway.
What do you call a Greek necrophiliac?
Con Fuckacarcass.
Q. What do you call a biracial kid in a vegetative state?
A. A mixed vegetable.
Q. What do you call a rich person who is in a vegetative state?
A. A loaded potato.
If your parachute fails midair, remember, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
What do you call a man in a wheelchair with no legs?
Geo dude.
Why can you never surprise mountains?
They peak.
I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.
Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!