You jokes

What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?

Kill their parents.

What do you call an orphan that grows up to be a priest?

Father-less.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.

You are like a software update. Whenever I see you, I immediately think, "Not now."

I’d give you a nasty look, but you already have one, bummer!

I thought of you today, and it reminded me to take out the trash.

Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?

What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?

A PDF file.

What do you call a fudge packer who has special needs?

A gay black male that has Down Syndrome.

You ever notice that the USA could be a part of Russia?

RUSSIA US A

Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?

You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-

(Destroys phone cutely)

If emo grass cuts itself for you, then what do transgender picture frames do?

I rate you 9 out of 10, because I'm the 1 you need.

What do you think was going through the heads of the 9/11 victims on floor 43?

Floor 44.

If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.

Hey, I’m George, and this is how to figure out if someone is a psychopath.

Go into someone’s search history, and find “Cuphead ship fanfic”.

Hey George, why do you have Russia x America countryhumans?

You know what’s traumatizing?

Your mom breastfeeding in front of you.

Help!

What’s it called when you give an emo some rope as a present?

Murder.

Are you the Twin Towers? Because I'd smash.

"I’m coming for you two!"